Of Trolls and Toddlers

If you feed trolls, they get big and fat and juicy. Their favorite food is attention.

Yes, yes, I know, they’re objectively wrong. They lie. They traffic in absolute misinformation. Dangerous misinformation. Dangerous misinformation spiced with hate and intolerance and a generous dollop of ignorance.

And when you argue with them, you amplify their message.

You can’t win, because you can’t agree to the rules of the game. You don’t even believe in the same reality, how can you agree on the same ground rules?

The way to win is to starve them of oxygen and nutrients, all of which they find in that weird photosynthesis they’ve developed from the light of a spotlight. Don’t let them rope you into their game. Play your own game. With your friends and your agreed upon structure. Demonstrate order and kindness and respect.

Let them sit on the bench off on the sidelines until and unless they’ve figured out your rules.

I remember when my kids were toddlers. Is there anything more comparable to a troll than a toddler? They were easily overwhelmed because they hadn’t figured out how to operate the world yet. It was my job, as their mother, to teach them the right amount of whelm so they wouldn’t be the kind of adults that think they could throw tantrums and get their way whenever the world didn’t operate to their liking.

(Guess what: the world doesn’t often operate to anyone’s liking. You have to get used to it, figure out how to get along. Otherwise, we’re just a society full of trolls, which isn’t much of a society at all.)

I quickly figured out that if I negotiated with my little terrorists, or tried to argue logic with them, I would get nowhere. I would be teaching them that their method of freaking out until they get some semblance of a result was an effective method. Instead, I would pointedly ignore them. I’d comment on the birds outside the window, or read out loud from a book. I would refuse eye contact.

Eventually, they figured out that they way they got fed their favorite food (attention) was not by screaming and freaking out, but by using rational speech.

The only difference between trolls and toddlers is that we expect more of trolls because they appear to be grownups who must, due to the number of years they’ve been around, know something and be due a certain amount of respect.

Nope. Respect and attention is something you earn. By acting rationally.

Acting rationally gets you your daily rations.

Otherwise, I’m not feeding you.

Buy my book, Devil’s Defense, or the audiobook, order the sequel, Devil’s Hand, and/or find me on Substack.