Koala Brains
I recently learned that Koalas have brains that look like a boneless, skinless chicken breast. This is not like a regular mammilian brain, which is all folded in on itself and looks like a wad of wet laundry.
This is an actual photograph of a koala brain:
It looks like it should be breaded and fried, no? Maybe dipped in marinara sauce?
Apparently, koala brains are smooth because they only eat eucalyptus. Eucalyptus is pretty toxic, so most of the koala’s energy and brain power goes to figuring out how not to die from eating eucalyptus.
That’s it. One thought. “Don’t die from this poison I’m eating.”
Perhaps if they were capable of more complex thought they might be able to think something. like, “Perhaps I ought to find something to eat that isn’t quite so toxic.”
Our human, wrinkled, and complex brains are what keep us up at night. Well, what keeps me up at night, anyway. Unlike a koala, who closes its eyes and thinks only, “Phew! Didn’t die!” and then sleep 18-22 hours a day, I stare at the ceiling and think of endless to-do lists, problems–both with and without solutions, and future possibilities. I can’t sort out these matters before I go to bed because I’m too busy to think.
Granted, I also do more all day than hang around in trees and eat poison. Although, metaphorically, is there really that much of a difference? I’m a lawyer. People come to me when something has gone wrong in their lives and they want me to fix it. I’m fed a steady professional diet of toxic behavior, and then checking social media and watching the news doesn’t exactly help counteract the venom.
The difference is that I consume poison all day and I’m aware of it. Also, the difference is that I consume about a million different kinds of poisons and keep on looking for more to consume on my phone. I’m perfectly capable of the thought, “perhaps I ought to find something to eat that isn’t quite so toxic.” And yet I don’t. I just keep on gobbling those toxins.
Why?
Mostly because that’s what’s on offer. If I could figure out a toxin-free job I’d take it in a hot minute. The news is what it is, and humanity has never been and never will be well behaved. If I want to live in a society, I have to learn how to filter those toxins through my liver and live. I guess the trick is to filter and excrete and not let myself become poison.
Which is what the koalas have done. They just sleep better.
Don’t die from the poisons you’re consuming, my friend. Don’t marinate yourselves in them, either. Just extract what nutrients you can and eat your vegetables, too. And sleep 18-22 hours a day if you can.
Buy my book, Devil’s Defense, or the audiobook, order the sequel, Devil’s Hand, and/or find me on Substack.